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Scientific Attempt To Create Most Annoying Song Ever

An online poll conducted in the ’90s set Vitaly Komar, Alex Melamid and David Soldier on a quest to create the most annoying song ever. After gathering data about people’s least favorite music and lyrical subjects, they did the unthinkable: they combined them into a single monstrosity, specifically engineered to sound unpleasant to the maximum percentage of listeners.

Amazingly, this “most unwanted music” contains little dissonance — that would have been too easy. For the most part, they seem to have tried to assemble these elements in a listenable way.

Komar & Melamid and David Soldier’s list of undesirable elements included holiday music, bagpipes, pipe organ, a children’s chorus and the concept of children in general (really?), Wal-Mart, cowboys, political jingoism, George Stephanopoulos, Coca Cola, bossanova synths, banjo ferocity, harp glissandos, oompah-ing tubas and much, much more. It’s actually a fascinating listen, worthwhile for the opera rapping alone.

- Wired

I am laughing so much that there are tears streaming down my face, even at just the description alone.

This is the most nerve-grating thing I have ever heard in my LIFE! It’s hilarious! I can’t! I can’t! I just…! OMGoodness, the kids! (I loathe singing children!) It’s brilliant!